gsueds007

chapter 6: Attention

 

 

Katy, I totally agree that Bill had a unique childhood with only somewhat functional parents.  However, I find that if we polled some people, many people remember someone else just as fondly or even more fondly than parents and that is okay.  I have a unique situation in that I work with students one one one for thirty minutes.  I hope that in a teaching situation like that, I can provide the attention that our students need.  However, I wonder if they need that attention over a longer period of time.  I kind of think that the attention must be sustained over several years.  Then, I can only hope that other teachers will stand in the gap and provide the attention that they need and deserve.  I am beginning to wonder just how many teachers view this as one of the burdens of teaching... It shouldn't be viewed as a burden...But, I'm seeing it more and more.  It is depressing.  Jacqueline

 

 

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3880/is_200007/ai_n8920036   Insight into the reference to Will Campbell on page 219

 

http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/hall_internship/index.html   page 206  "The Ritz" of South Carolina Department of Mental Health  (what's wrong with being and encouraging the best?)

 

http://www.epodunk.com/cgi-bin/genInfo.php?locIndex=7771  Albany, GA profile

 

http://www.emmanuel-boston.org/  Please click on SERMONS, then note the sermon of January 06, 2008

 

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/entertainment/jan-june99/bach_4-9.html  NPR interview, long and boring so scan it, but has interaction between Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot and Bill Wallace, and others about the beloved BACH music that is referenced in the chapter, note the reference to the church being built for Boston's blue-bloods, Harriet Beecher Stowe, and the reference to Episcopal priests in her (Lawrence-Lightfoot's) family history.

http://www.bates.edu/x145345.xml    picture of Bill Wallace and article about him, probably the most interesting

 

I think the paragraph on page 197, "From the earliest infant/caregiver relationship to the multiple relationships in which we find ourselves as adults, this experience of being known and valued forms both the origin and thre motivation of our capacity to know and value others."  This is what I was referencing in our class presentation.  Bill Wallace talks about the "quality of attention" we give to each other.  You know that when someone is genuinely interested in you and what you have to say that you feel safe, nurtured, and respected.  You come away from that experience with strength and positive energy.  I don't think we realize what an impact we have on others with our demeanor.  He speaks of having to learn to 'just be' when he is dealing with those patients who were not able to communicate.  Body language conveys respect. You can 'feel the love.'  Curiosity conveys this respect as well.  When you genuinely want to hear someone's story and spend the time to listen with interest you give such a gift to those you encounter. 

I wondered about what Bill and his family thought of his father when they lived in Albany,GA.  Did they disrespect their father?  Was this a root of their family problems?  He spoke of the clothing store his father owned - "Best Credit Clothing Store" that catered to the "lower end of the spectrum." (p.204)  I wondered how the people who had to make purchases in that store felt.  I can imagine being already beaten down, and then knowing that I had to go to a store that provided credit so I could provide basic needs for my family.  I wonder if they felt like hiding when they approached the door?  How humiliating! 

I thought of the little lady in hospice care who was so depressed when she couldn't cook Sunday dinner for her family.  She needed a purpose.  She just needed to be needed and to know that she could still be a contributing member of society.  She needed to know that she was not forgotten, not marginalized.   There are so many in nursing homes now who must surely feel that way.

 We all need someone to listen.  Sometimes we just need someone to sit still with us and let us hear ourselves.  We are all storytellers looking for someone to listen, to validate our existence and worth.

"For the dying and, I believe, the living," says Bill in conclusion, "the immediate moment is the most significant.  Now is always." (p.230)  I believe this is the most important statement in the whole book.  Afterall,  we can only live one moment at a time.  We never know when our last minute on earth maybe, and so we must all practice the art of RESPECT and all that it implies.

 

Teresa, you are so right!  We all need someone to listen.  And I know that when I don't feel like people are listening, I get even more frustrated.  It is intersting that you brought up the idea of respect with his father.  That could have been the beginning of it.  What if his father was looked down upon for having a store with credit?  I had never thought about that.  But, you know how sensitive children can be.  Maybe Bill strives to provide a respect to ALL people that he knows his father didn't get...Interesting thinking!  Jacqueline

 

I hope that you girls haven't gotten sick of my personal reflections.  However, this book hits so many chords, that I just can't get my mind off of them.  Bill Wallace, has a unique job.  He brings people peace (if there is such a thing when you are dying), and respect for their life.  This is something that I think you are called to do.  It takes a special person to maintain the respect when situations get difficult.  I remember when my father was dying, it was a hard thing to do to see him waste away to a man of less than 150 pounds.  For a man that was six feet six inches, he was just skin and bones. You realize that he doesn't want to live like that.  But, you don't want to lose him either.  There is just no winning in situations like that.  However, the quality that Bill Wallace talks about is being respect to people when there is nothing that can be done to help them.  The chapter is appropriately called attention.  This is something that the family needs to see as they try and say good-bye to a loved one.  Not that they think that the course of direction will change, but that when someone dying wants someone to talk to, about anything, they can and will be there to listen.  These people want to be seen and acknowledged.  This doesn't always happen.  I found it interesting that Bill Wallace works with doctors to improve their bed side manor.  I think this is definitely needed.  I just recently found out that my mother changed doctors.  When I asked her why, she admitted that the doctor that both she and my father saw did not come to see him one time once he was admitted to a nursing home.  That was a kind of slap in the face to my mom and a colleague, beacuse my dad had been a doctor in the community for over thirty years.  But, then I thought about what Bill Wallace talked about.  He expresses the attitude that a health care professional must maintain when dealing with those in the last days of their lives.  You must enter into a relationship with a willingness to be led by another.    He talks about doctors and how this is a difficult position for them to take on.  He writes on page 219, "They feel threatened by the prospect of being changed themselves...and you must be ready to change if you are going to meet in a respectful relationship with patients." I can see the validity in this.  There was a time when my father was first diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, when he had difficulty as well.  Doctors are trained to have all the answers.  They are trained to always know what the next steps of care are.  However, when they run out of possibilities, they get very uncomfortable.  The doctors want to be able to do more, and when they can't, it is hard for these hard-working professionals not to feel like a failure.  I will tell you that many people did come and visit my dad.  And apparently, he talked about different things with each person.  Some people didn't even know him personally, they only knew him through a relative or a friend.  However, they talked about things with my father that he didn't want to "burden" us with.  I appreciated those people.  Just as I appreciate what Bill Wallace does.  It is interesting, Bill Wallace also talks about how age can make a difference in the ability to help those at the end of their lives.  He says, "I can't imagine anyone being a healer before they are thirty-three or thirty -four, and even that's young.  However, I'm not sure that he is right.  I think that there are certain situations when someone younger who has experienced great loss might be able to act as a healer.  However, I do agree that a person who acts in this capacity must have had the unique experiences that would allow this person to express respect through attention and curiosity.  I hope that I can provide that service to others at some point in time.  However, I know that I still have more growing to do before I can be ready to act as Bill Wallace did, respectfully to the last minute.